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  • Raluca Ene

The fear of "being online"

Updated: Jul 27, 2020

It took me damn much to even start an article post or any sort of writing activity or being exposed in any way. My inner critic kept a well-documented list of why I should not write/post because no one had to listen or read to what I had to say. So the hesitation kept ongoing - for several months and the idea of "being online" had simply remained that - an idea.

Do I really know how to write?

Will I add any value to the online world?

Is there someone that would read "me"?

Neah, there is enough stuff out there. Better stay silent.

So you get the drill, right? The nasty inner critic was really sabotaging me. Big time.

I sat down and wrote it when someone close to me just said: "Just sit down already, start a Pomodoro tracker and write for 25 minutes!". I felt puzzled and a bit strange when I heard this - my hesitation was really becoming obvious and quite annoying. My brain initially tried to resist the clear (and kind) indication, but after gathering all the insights from the past at least 100 days and the prompt tone of voice of my dear person, I started to write down this tiny story.

So don't imagine that the courage to write appeared overnight. Nooo, no way. It really was something that I built over those several months (most of them during the pandemic) because as my inner critic was becoming very active and very vocal, I was becoming more aware or more precisely, I was building my resistance.

And you might wonder how? And even if you don't I'll say it cause it's my testimony of how I managed to win a huge battle with my inner critic.

The solution: Well, the usual stuff you find on the internet or you hear from your friends. So for each "stay silent" indication from the inner critic, I was trying to bring on a "you should try, you have nothing to lose" realistic concept into my mind. And I constantly used the following three main "techniques"(so to speak):


  • I reached out to people that really knew what I was made from and my values and I found them to be supporters - really cheering from me and making me safe to voice my opinions and my proposal

  • I read tons of articles on why holding back is not good and that "carpe diem" stuff that led me to strong conclusions that life is really short and if I want to do something there is no better time than now or at least soon (enough)

  • Meditation was key. Building more of that mental awareness. I already had this daily habit for more than one year now and I just incorporated some nice mindful moments for self-worth and tadam. "Being online" became more bearable.


My short story here serves as an intro to my initially hesitant approach to writing because of the false belief "I am not enough and people won't care about what I have to say". And maybe that could be the case, but at the end of the day (and story), my inner belief is the foundation and that should be healthy. The rest will just follow.

I hope this inspires some of you that are holding back to try that habit/that experience/that thing that you have been keeping in the closet for so long and fight a bit your inner nasty critics - cause we all have them and they are pretty resourceful, but they live inside of our heads and we can definitely knock them down.

And a huge thank you to my friends & to myself - cause why not?

Take it one day at a time.

Yours kindly,

Raluca


#fears #innercritic #meditation #friends #resourceful #writing #balance

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